Do Whatever You Want, If It Makes You Happy. But First Take This Quiz.

31 Jan

The following quiz is from Joan River’s HILARIOUS book Men Are Stupid… And They Like Big Boobs.  Even if you are in no way, shape, or form planning on having any sort of procedures, this is still a must read!  (taken directly from page 12-14).  Anything in pink italic is my own interjections.  Because I always interject.

So You Think You’re Really, Really

Ready for Cosmetic Surgery?

Answer the following multiple-choice questions to find out if you’re emotionally prepared to make a big change.

1.  Spending money on myself…

A. is morally reprehensible!

B.  runs against everything my parents taught me.

C.  is fine.  What else should I spend it on?  My kids’ college education?

D.  is a touch call, but being happy is worth any price.

If you answered a., that spending money on yourself is morally wrong, then get back inside the convent, and pray for me because I’m clearly bound for hell.  Even Mel Gibson pays for his own SS uniforms.  If you answered c., remind yourself that spending money is good.

The correct answer is D., that there’s no better investment than your own confidence and happiness.

Joan couldn’t be more right!  Spending money on yourself is ok.  Spend wisely! 

2.  I want to make a change in my appearance because…

A.  my husband has been begging me to get implants since his secretary died.

B.  my friend told me every attractive woman has had something done.

C.  I’ve hated my nose for years, and I’m sick of walking into parties backwards.

D.  when I saw myself in a recent photo, I looked like my mother.

If you answered a. or b., you’re wrong.  Screw your boob-loving husband and peer-pressuring friend.  The one and only reason to get surgery or a non-invasive beauty procedure is for yourself.  If you think having work done will make you a happier, more confident, contented person, go for it.

If you answered d., you’re still wrong.  Those of you who have the fear that you’re turning into your mother, make a shrink appointment.  In the meantime, guess what?  Surgery won’t alter your genetic code.  Even if you’ve had a face lift, you’ll probably still look like your mother.  (This drives my daughter Melissa crazy.)

The correct response is c., because the motivation for change has to come from inside you.

The only reason you should do ANYTHING is for yourself.  I have SO many patients that tell me they don’t want their husband knowing, because they “wouldn’t understand.”  I get into countless debates, mostly with men – but some women, about how someone’s choice to do Botox is their personal preference, and because it’s a very safe procedure, there shouldn’t be as much controversy as there is!  Be supportive of your friend or spouse’s decision.  It’s THEIR body.

3.  The actual surgery will be…

A.  a snap.

B.  the first day of a completely different life.

C.  rough.  It’s major surgery and should be taken seriously.

D.  a bloody nightmare.  I don’t know how I let Joan Rivers talk me into this.

The correct answer is c.  Plastic surgery, from a blow lift to a butt lift, is major surgery and not to be taken lightly.  You have to be prepared to do whatever your doctor instructs you to do, before surgery and during the recovery.  You’re looking at up to a month of convalescence.  It’s not a walk in the park.  But, once the recovery is over, you’ll be thrilled you had the surgery.

The one thing you hear most from women who’ve had cosmetic intervention:

“I wish I’d done it sooner”

(This is also the biggest complaint I hear from women with Botox!)

4.   Self-Improvement is…

A.  selfish vanity.

B.  what we should all strive for throughout our lives, physically, emotionally, mentally.  Otherwise, why not just crawl under a rock?

C.  impossible.  I’m already as good as I’m ever going to get.

D.  embarrassing.  I’m loathe to reveal my insecurities and flaws to myself, let alone a stranger, especially an attractive doctor.

The correct answer is b.  Of course we should all strive to improve ourselves!  The pursuit of betterment is hardly selfish vanity!  Do we educate ourselves out of vanity?  Do we expose ourselves to culture to be selfish?  Physical improvement via cosmetic intervention is on a par with going to the gym, which most people consider to be masochistic but not vain.  Vanity is thinking you’re already perfect.  And if you’re perfect, put this book down and leave the rest of us humans alone.

** I would like to add, attractive doctors exist in Orthopedics (sports medicine) and on T.V. shows for the most part.  Except of course, Dr. Russo. 

5.  Beauty is…

A.  an unfair societal demand put on women so makeup companies, plastic surgeons, diet-pill manufacturers, and hair salons can stay in business and make tons of money.

B.  in the eyes of the beholder.  When I see a beautiful woman walking down the street, I’m so jealous I want to spit – in her eye.

C.  for the very young and/or the very rich.

D.  within  your grasp, a worthy goal, the way to feel good about yourself and stay vital in the world.

Beauty can be a source of a.) anger, b.) jealousy, and c.) envy.  You wouldn’t have those negative emotions if you felt beautiful yourself.  Imagine being free of jealous, envy, and anger-and not having first woken up dead and found yourself an angel.

Those who answered d. understand that beauty is within your grasp.  Now go out there and get some!

Ok, I know not everyone loves Joan as much as I do.  (We’re on a first name basis).  But, I think she has some very valid points, and I also think she looks the way she wants to, and she is happy with her results.  She makes millions a year off her surgically altered botox’d up face.  All the power to you Joan.  I hope some day the same is said about me! 

Joan Rivers’ Men Are Stupid… And They Like Big Boobs:  A Woman’s Guide to Beauty Through Plastic Surgery with Valerie Frankel

It’s absolutely hilarious, and discusses procedures from laser to lipo.  I highly recommend it.  I don’t agree with everything she says, but I think she gives mostly valid information!

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